Wednesday 10 June 2015

The dreaded birthday issue....

June is for some, the middle of the year, for others, it's a time when they can go to the shops and begin to buy some summer style clothes because the weather is starting to turn more summery... why wouldn't you love the month of June?

For me, it's because it's the month of my birthday. For too many years I've had a problem with my birthday and any of my friends can tell you.... I'm a nightmare when it comes to my own birthday. While for others this is a day to be happy and do something you'll remember forever, I'm applying that motto to every day that I live my life. Don't get me wrong, I fully understand that each one is an achievement and i'm more than happy I am able to be breathing on each birthday, I have a problem with how the whole thing is ran, which is why in recent years, my friend Sian has always been the one to organise something, everything from a full on concert and hotel stay-over, to a night out of my choice with people whore are/were in my life at the time.


I think my issues go back to my childhood. It is with a sentence like that I suppose I should climb onto the big red leather couch and begin my session with the shrink, but I feel it is true. My birthday parties from years ago were never really of enjoyment, more just doing things on my birthday, because, well, that's what got done.

It's nothing against the people who tried to run my childhood parties, infact my mother would often go to great expense to throw me the day that I said I wanted, but I only wanted them days because... that's how it happened for everyone else. If I could explain to you here... I was never the popular child in school, from primary level right through until the end of high school... it wasn't fun for me being in school... so you can always imagine my sort of, lack of joy, when over half of my classmates would turn up to my house and enjoy the bouncy castle and cake and have a good time, and I would be sat there thinking about how I wasn't enjoying myself that much and when would I be able to do what I wanted?

Later in life I did get to have a better control over my birthday parties, but in my teen years, I don't remember doing something for every birthday. Don't get me wrong, presents we're always given and i'd get to see the people who were in my life that I loved lots and lots, but I still didn't make a massive fuss about this one special day.

After school years were over my birthdays of course took the change of... involving alcohol. For my 18th I had a party, at my mothers if I remember correctly, for my 21st, i'd arranged 2 nights out... and yeah, around those times I did enjoy my birthdays... but there was still the awkward things which happen on the day... like the terrible singing of "happy birthday".

It is so awkward to stand there and have everyone sing at you. While yes it is designed to make you feel special, I can't help but let me toes curl that little bit more and wonder what i'm expected to do as everybody sings along.

So, this year, we come to what'll be my 27th year alive, and i'm super proud to say, i'm already busy on my birthday, entertaining at a party... for the first time in years i'm too busy to have to go through the awkward stuff like having to have people sing happy birthday to me!

Don't get me wrong, I still love to be given presents, be able to meet up with people who are loved by me and of course, spend time with people I don't get to see all that often... but it's quiet, like any other day, this year... and I've a feeling I could like it.

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