The mood and the birthday drama that was...

So i announced to the world about a month ago now that this year, for the first time in years, i'm planning my own birthday, saying to the world "this is what i want to do on it", because it really has been years since i've said something like that.

Today however, i literally tore the plans up infront of peoples faces in a massive "fuck you all" moment and i'm going to take my time, plenty of deep breaths and write down all of my thoughts here. This post isn't intended to offend, but this really is how it is.

When i announced the plans the reaction at best was a "oh". Nobody seemed to be shouting with me in saying "omg yeah, it'll be a great day". Instead i got comments like "really? why there though", "well how are you going to get there", "i don't like rides" etc. Fair enough, i was planning the event for mid-week so of course people were having a hard time getting the time off work etc, which is understandable.

What brought that to today's mood though?

Well, last night, i booked some of the tickets to go, only 2, for me and a friend who i knew was coming with me, and thats when the lines started like "well i'll get my own ticket, thats fine, don't worry" or the "actually, i can't make it sorry" etc. Message after message of peoples excuses and me literally having to persuade people to go with me, so today i emailed the fairground and told them to cancel the booking i have made, i cancelled the facebook event which of course gets alot of the "why have you done that" messages and phone calls, of which i've replied to a few and answerd a few calls, but i'm really just at the point of saying "no, fuck it. Fuck it, fuck you, fuck everything."

So, what am i going to do for my birthday then?

Well, it'll be in june and i thus presume the weather is going to be quite nice. So i'm going out with trey (my dog). It's my first birthday with him and i know that seeing him happy will make me happy.

Presents? I really, for the first time in years, don't actually need, or want anything. I know people are starting to ask questions about what to get me and the truth is... if people are just happy for me, then what more could i want? Plus its free, so yey being happy and all that jazz.

It might seem like i'm in a fowl mood, and truth be told, yeah, i am in one. Some thing's are just falling to shit for me at the moment and for once, i'm letting them. I need change to happen in my life so, maybe going through a bad time will create the change... who knows?

What i do know is, i'm making me happy.