Monday 20 January 2014

UKIP played with the gays, and lost.

Not even a whole month into the new year and UKIP have already managed to do their best to offend a minority. This has to be some sort of record right?

It's not so much the whole of UKIP, as much as, 1 member of the party, however i'm sure after a short time digging around you'd find other none-political minded people in the party who would agree with the members statement that indeed, Same-Sex Marriage in the UK did cause the bad weather.

How does this actually happen though?

Today, as a gay man myself, i'm here to tell you the truth behind it, and sort of, come-out for the community to confirm that it indeed was us that caused all of the bad weather. We are very sorry and are going to try and find some cheap bubbly champers to make it all up to you.

How did we do the rain?

Well, you know how theres got to be clouds for rain? Right well, a gay wedding is abit like an extreme version of a gay bar. Now 99.9% of all gay bar's these days will have a smoke machine. Well, the weddings are no different, infact, when you enter a gay wedding, you're actually handed a smoke machine yourself, it's diamond encrusted with your name and is pink too. Of course though, when the bitchy gay leaves the room to go outside for a smoke, some of the smoke from inside the club will make it out too, and at the end of the night, all the smoke leaves the room and thus, makes its way to heaven. Which of course is also part of our plan to kill off jesus, since so many people think that the gays get into bed and shit on the bible.

How did we do the wind?

At gay wedding's of course the music will be amazing, usually comprised of aqua's greatest hits, Tom's DVD of the step's tour will be played at some point during the night and the delightful sound of beyonce can be heard many times through the night. Now, when music like this is played, it is every gay man's duty to impersonate said singer and during these high times of wind that all the hetro's we're getting, i'm here to tell you the gay's were having a rough time too, with beyonce weaves flying all over the place. It was just awful.

Finally to all of this, you know us gay's are great for the fashion advice, so here's some. If you're in a flooded area, please do not panic. Put on your tightest speedo's, or your lesbian all-in-one and make your way into the streets, we've sent some sunshine, so let's have a beach party!!!!!

Also, please keep upto-date with the UKIP shipping forecast and weather updates as these should pre-warn you when the next round of gay wedding's will be happening.

Thanks for reading.

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