Ok, background on this crush.... We'd been talking for a little bit every now and then anyway, he's a different religion to me, been brought up differently etc, so it's interesting to be talking to him anyway... it just so happens that yes i think he's good looking. I don't know exactly when my crush on him started, but as soon as i recognised it, i told him.
I don't get crushes all that often and when i do have one, i tend to go into a mental battle with myself, so i'll tend to push people away from me, while i get my head sorted. Of course, my feelings during a crush on a person, are probably typical of any other crush.... you want to talk to that person all the time, you get jelous of others talking to them, you almost turn into a stalker and eventually, the feeling's stop.... or get acted upon, of which, the latter has never happend to me and i don't want them to, tbf.
This crush was a pretty bad one for me. I mean, i don't sleep at night at the best of times, neither does he, so when there's not much to do on the net, we would literally spend all night chatting away to each other about some of the most random things you could think of, and to be honest, we still do... and i love that. But where as normally, a message can be left until one of us wakes up or is next online, during my crush, i'd be checking anyway i could to see if he was online. It was crazy and not at all helped by facebook telling you when messages have been read or whatsapp telling you when a person was last on.
Because when you find out that info, it makes you question EVERY-FRICKIN-THING, who are they talking to? Have i said something wrong? Do they hate me.... etc. But this all add's up to me wondering now that i'm out of that phaze.... is it mentally healthy to have a crush?
My guess is that for me, it's not. I tend not to eat, during the "crush time" i'll skip meals, often for a day or two, while i keep checking my body out and thinking "eurgh, i'm too fat, nobody can love me like this". I'll frett over them not replying to messages. I mean, that kinda goes for all people, i really don't like being ignored on purpose, because it's just rude and no good ever comes of it. I'll check my phone or my laptop anytime i can, and when i can't, i'll not feel right because i mean, you could be missing out on that "I love you, let's get into a relationship" message that you're basically waiting for aren't you. I guess most worryingly, is that i can sometimes end up being physically sick or... from the other end, during times like this.
Yep, you got that bit right, no need to re-read it. My feelings get that intense at times that i can literally make myself ill.
Something twigged in me the other night though, it was like someone came in, picked up the weight off my shoulders and flung it to one side. I felt so much better, and still do. The worry and stress of the whole situation has gone and i literally felt wonderful. The guy who i'd had the crush on, i think i messaged over something and i just dropped it into conversation, to which i think his reply was something like "You're over me already?".... and yes, i was! :)
Now that i'm back to "normal", i still find him good looking and i still love talking to him, but if he's busy doing something else, or talking to people where one thing might lead to another, you know... i'd be happy for him, i really would, yet the week before... my god, it'd have mentally killed me... weird ain't it.
I do know, i'm not the only one who has crushes. I know i'm not the only one who's layed in bed trying to sleep, while you imagine cuddling upto that person, or them cuddling upto you. Thinking through what you'd say to them and how your relationship would be with them, but you wanna know the truth? The truth is different from the reality, relationships are hard work to make them perfect, there's fights, arguments, disagreement, awkward moments.... it's far from the fantasy a crush would have you believe.
Some might say, the truth about love is....