Bascially, i think i could count on 2 hands the amount of people that have seen me actually cry, like, full on cry. Be it alchol induced or not, if i let my thoughts out and get caught up in a moment, then you'll know about it.
Usually what happens for me (and it's like i've got this down to a fine art) when i get upset is i'll show the classic sign's, lump in the throat, not talking and usually, i tend to look upwards too... i think thats when my eyes start to fill up more though. People who know me by this point, after seeing these sign's, know just to give me a hug. I'll usually nessle my head in someones neck and shoulder and let it all out, not for long though, i've learned over the years when im upset, the way to calm me down is to hug me.... odd ain't it.
I tend not to get upset too often these days, i could literally list the things that have been going on in my life that are upsetting here (and trust me, google would run out of storage space if i did write it all down) but i tend to just take things on the chin and work on moving on, yet time to time, things will get me abit down. For a day or two i might go quiet, turn my phone off and have some "me" time. During this time, i'll try to make myself cry... yup, i activly will make myself cry. It's just one of those feelings i get, when i know that things are bottled up enough and it's time to let them all out in a good old sob fest.
So how do i make myself cry?
Well, over the past few years, i've kind of taken note as to what makes me cry and what doesn't. Seeing soldier's coming home is always something that gets me going, especially the one of the marine and he suprises his son in school.... it's just the sweetest thing and the tissues are always needed on standby for when that video comes on.... are you ready for it?
Teary eyed yet? My god i am and im only putting this post together!!!
Don't get me wrong, sometimes thing's happen in my life which do get me upset and from time to time with that i'll have a little sob and a chat with a friend but me being the thinker that i am, i tend more often than not to just deal with that myself.
But why would i want to make myself cry?
I think we all know the feeling of "that feels so much better" after a good cry. For me, it's almost as close to the feeling i got when i first came out about being gay. It was like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders and thats almost how i feel after a good cry, it's just taking time out from everything to have a few moments to myself and then get back to a sort of focus on dealing with the problem(s) at hand if i can.
The alternative to getting myself upset is to just take my mind on a journey, let it wonder, go into a sort of day dream if you please. I sometimes go into a sort of meditative state where i can let my mind go where it wants to, if it even wants to, but you'd be amazed at how much you can feel better after letting your mind go loose.
For me, i usually go for what i call a blank song (no lyrics or very few). Where it's got a catchy sort of tune that can keep me entertained. Recently for me it's been "Skrillex - Summit". I've enjoyed just sitting back and letting my brain wonder to this song and i don't know of many other's that do, but hey, it works for me, so that can't be a bad thing right?
There's time where i do have to sit here though and ponder a question like the title. I have to know myself well enough to know what makes me tick and what makes me cry. Speaking of which, it's just gone past 6am, it's time for me to paint on today's smile and head out to the big wide world, remembering at another time i can let my emotion's go free....
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