Sunday, 27 May 2012

Puberty and you.

See, i remember being in school, being taught about puberty and what happens etc etc etc.

Yet, what they told me... half of it never happend, so i wanted to tell you all about my experiance and hopefully, you might be able to understand more what is going to happen to you (or could happen).

The voice changes.

It's true. Your voice will change and this does not depend upon your sex or anything. As your body changes, your vocal chords change too, as a result most people find that your voice will go deeper.

For me, my voice change happend over a few weeks. During this time simple things like a sneeze, would mean i had no voice for like, 2 days or something. I found it hard to have control over my voice when it was working, i would often go from my normal voice, to a low tone voice and then back to my normal voice, while trying to say things. It wasn't that much of a trauma, i was only like 13 at the time and i didn't really talk much for the most of the time, so yeah, that bit was fine.

You grow extra hair.

See, i was told about this but didn't expect it as much. I had always had hair on my arms, so where else did the hair grow? Well, the main bit everyone knows is around your sexual organs and around your anus too. It comes in different colours and is nothing to be ashamed of. While the hair is growing though, you can expect the area's to be slightly itchy and warm, but once the hairs grow to abit longer where theyre not as firm, then you should be ok.

It's also about this time youre going to notice hair in other area's, like armpits, face, chest, legs, feet, hands etc. All of this is perfectly normal and you have nothing to worry about.

Your weight may change.

Ever heard of people talking about "Puppy fat"? Well, thats a term they use to talk about weight gained while going through puberty. It's to be expected and again, nothing to worry over. As long as you are still eating healthily and exercising enough, you'll have nothing to worry about, but, speak to your doctor if you have any problems about this or are about to cut something out of your diet, in the name of weight loss.

You will see people in a new light.

This bit is VERY true, i had some bad experiances during my puberty time. My brain had gotten into the way of thinking that if someone did something nice for me, like hold a door open, then it meant they wanted a relationship, it was weird, i already knew by 13 that i was gay, but i had just changed schools and so people were being nice to me, to welcome me to the school, like holding doors open, spending time with me, showing me around etc.

The fact is, you may end up getting confused about this, but again, it happens to everyone at one point or another, Its just important to remember that you don't have to go through all this alone. Some schools will offer a therapist type person, for you to go and talk to.... DO IT!!! These people are in contact with kids every day, they know more about puberty than the rest of us AND more importantly, they've heard it all before.

This is also around the time that people say your sexual apitite and sexuality can change. Now for me, sexuality didn't change at all, i was sure of who i was in that light, but my attitude towards sex did change. I wanted it all the time. Luckily, i'd already been taught about masturbation and so could keep a better control of my hormones etc.

What is VERY important to remember is that you don't HAVE to have sex at this age. You'll only find out later in life that some people actually like to be someones first encounter. Sex can be a taboo subject with some people, so be careful of who you talk to about it to save embarasment, but your parents or guardians, teachers (out of the class room) and doctors are normally the people you can talk to and be given the best advice possable, don't be afraid to mention it to them if you need to talk about sex.

Now, if you are going to experiment, USE PROTECTION!!! No matter who your sexual partner is, if youre sleeping with a person of the same sex, ok, you're not going to create a baby, but you can still catch STI's and STD's, so guys, put a coat on it, girls, put a coat in it! Don't do something which could change your life forever.

Your body gives off new smells.

Trust me, theyre not always nice either!

Your sweat glands are going to be changing over this time in your life, so start looking at deoderants etc, it's never nice sitting next to a person who smells awful, the general opinion of them people is that they don't wash and are not very clean people. But you don't have to be one of them people! Just make sure you do wash yourself and using deoderants before getting all hot and sweaty, means you'll be smelling nice for the day ahead.

The spots may get you.

All seen the pictures of the spotty troubled teenager? Well, you may not be that bad, but your skin will also change at this time of your life too, often breaking out in spots that are just hard to get rid of. Now im not going to advise you on how to get rid of spots, all's i can say is if you wash yourself properly, youre less likely to get spots and when you do have them, they won't last that long.

Handy tip : Toothpaste it! Yes! When you have a spot that has a yellow head on the end of it, put a small amount of toothpaste on it and within a few hours, it should have gone down abit. I often do this still!!!

Your interests may change.

For years, i went through life wanting to have a new career every day, something would interest me and i'd enjoy it, then i'd want to do it for life, but then the next day i wanted something completely different.

It's kind of messed up then that during this time in your life, the education system makes you choose things which can change your life, like what you want to study, do you want to go on to futher education at all? What career do you want? etc. All this at a time when you're trying to learn about your new self.

As far as school and education goes, try and do well at what you can. You will be exptected to make these choices, but think ahead to the future, what DO you want to do in the future? What can you see yourself doing?

Take it from me, while at the time in school, you think your exam results are not that interesting, nor will they be needed that much in your future. Your life can and indeed will change. Things will happen in life and you will get the thoughts eventually of "What if i'd have done better at school". Keep your options open and just do well at what you can.

Finally, i will add on this message.

We ALL go through puberty, it's a time when our bodys change and we find our true self. However, if you ever need anyone to talk to about these changes, then try people like your parents, your doctor, your teacher etc. Normally if they can't help you themselves, they'll know someone who can. So don't suffer in silence, someone can and will help if you ask for help.

Workin' 9 to 5 (What a way to make a living)

Sad as it my sound, or dull some may say, i want a 9 to 5 job.


Because there's so much more good stuff that goes with it than just earning money!

Wether it's being one of the first customers in a shop, smelling the bread they've just finished cooking, or maybe it's being able to sit next to the good looking guy on the bus.... theres so many advantages!

For the past week and the week ahead, i've been on a training course, which im kind of enjoying.... :S But thats another story anyway.

To get me to this place of a morning, i need to be walking out my front door at ten to 7 in the morning, then walking for about half an hour, then straight onto the bus and away for the day. Now all this is great and i really do enjoy it. For some reason, while everyone protests about how theyre "not a morning person", myself included in that, it's got to be said that world is rather good looking of a morning.

Everything from the early morning sun, to watching people starting their days ahead. I love it.

I've also gained a new hobby, guess what the person is doing. It's rather interesting. If you're on a bus, try it, your imagination can just go mental. So, ask yourself while on the bus "Why is that person getting the bus, what have they been doing, where are they going" etc. It's just another way of passing the time i guess.

Anyway, i've not wrote on here in a little while, so i thought i should post something just so you all don't think i've died or something.... :)

Sunday, 20 May 2012

What the gay's are after

So yeah, incase you hadn't already heard.... gay's are not loved by everybody.

Me personally?

Im really not botherd, each to their own i say, as long as youre not trying to change my religion, im not going to try and change your sexuality.

But while looking through some hateful youtube video's, which are designed against the LGBT community, i came across a really random comment that asked "what do gays want".

Simply put, not much, we want equality. Where we are not treated any different to a straight person.

Why? Well why shouldn't we be? I mean, let's face it, the only way youre going to know if a person is gay, is if that person "comes out". What does it take to come out? Alot. Infact i don't know one gay person who wasn't scared to come out.


It's scenes like that which send fear into every gay person, because as much as most of the world has moved on to accept LGBT people, there's still those out there who decide that they want to take matters into their own hands and inflict pain / suffering onto one person as a representation for the community that person belongs to.

Does it get that person anywhere? No. Fact is gay people have been around for years and will continue to be around for years, so why would you want to attack them, knowing that you will end up worse off.

So yeah, coming out can be pretty traumatic. I myself came out to a mother who was fine with it, but she sometimes has concerns over my safety (as any parent would) and to a father who.... yeah ok, let's not go there. It's not that he wasn't told, or that he didn't try to put a brave face on it, but he couldn't hide the fact that he's not a fan of gays, nor could he accept that both of his son's were gay.

Anyway, if a person is brave enough to come out and that scares you, can i be honest and tell you WHY it scares you? Because you don't know enough about it. People are always afraid of the un-known.

So if a person comes out to you and youre not sure about what "Being gay" means, then use your time wisely!!! Ask that person some questions if you want to, they might hold the answer that you want to know. Incase youre too scared to do that, here's some basic's about being gay.
  • It's not all about the anal. True fact right there. For years i was bullied because people believed that being gay meant that you were into anal sex, either recieving it or giving it, of course those go with the usual insults of how you also get solids out of that area. Ideal comeback for that? Well, if theyre straight, they'll be putting it up somewhere that urine comes out of, so not much better really. Even more interesting fact - not all gays like anal sex, either giving it or receiving it.
  • When you find out a person is gay, watch how they don't change, you do. Again, another true fact. When i came out, sure, i was more confident about myself and who i was and what i wanted out of life, but i didn't change. After school, i changed, because i wasnt surrounded by people who just wanted to make your life a mysery. I was instead, surrounded by people who encouraged me to grow as a person. I've seen this happen though, someone finds out that _____ is gay and people act differently around them, while the gay person hasn't changed at all. My advice? Grow up!
  • Not all gays are the same. It's far too common now to hear about how every gay man is a hair dresser and how every lesbian is a builder. Fact is, you'll find an LGBT person doing nearly every job going, some are butch, some are not.... But this is something that homophobes will learn through life.
  • Were bored of you using the term "gay" as a way to describe something bad. Mini history lesson for you here, "Gay" is a word which used to mean happy, when the LGBT community used the rainbow flag as a way to identify the community, they were called the gay community, because a rainbow is something happy. Your use of the term "that's so gay" or something along those lines, for some, is borderline offencive and never funny.
There's of course other things that i could go on about, but i wont.

Just put simply, if you don't like gays because of what they do, there will be some gays who dont like you because of what you do. If you don't like gays because you dont understand anything about the gay community, the educate yourself. Ask questions, it's the only way you will learn.

Better off alone....

See, now sometimes people will sing the song "Better off alone" and some joke about saying it to someone as a way to break up with them, but for me, the song has a deeper meaning, because in a way, im screaming yes at it.

Let me tell you why....

See, the reason i feel im better off alone is because im wanting to protect myself from something that happend in the past, which i can't quite deal with. Let me tell you what happend.

- Of course, as this is a real situation, i will change my ex's name -

So, my 3rd (ish) job was going door to door, trying to get people to change their gas and electric suplyer. Of a friday we would all go to the local pub, where there would be like £50 or something behind the bar for us. One night we all suggested that we would go home and get changed, then come back to the pub at about 8pm and we could bring someone with us.

I brought my dad. Yeah, i don't know why either, but one of the new girls brought her gay brother, we'll call him John.

Now me and John actually didn't speak that much on the night, but me still being young and letting him put his hand on my leg (yes while sat next to my dad) meant that my standards had dropped, so i ended up going back to his.

Things happend and we said we would keep in touch. We did and i think after a few weeks we got into a relationship. One night my mother was having a few drinks around at her's, so we both went around and it was a good evening. That was until after the guests had gone and my mother had gone to bed. My brother was sat on one side of the couch, me in the middle and on the left was John.

Nothing good was on the tv and we were all drunk, so they both said about me going to get a dvd. I went upto my room and started looking for a dvd. Something in the back of my mind said "What if the magazine storys are happening to me and theyre getting too close to each other now".

I lay on the bed for a minute trying to get the tought out of my head, about 5 mins later and i went down stairs, to find my brother on another couch and John watching the tv like there was nothing else in the room. I didn't really think anything of it, i mean, my mind was just playing tricks on me wasn't it.

It was only a few days later that John said to me that he wanted his hair to be cut and could he have my brothers number for him to do it. My brother had been a hairdresser for many a year before this.

I thought nothing more of it and gave him the number and said i'd leave him too it.

Another couple of weeks ago around and my mother was having another night of drinks at her's, Me not knowing anything better took John with me and introduced him to my other friends. He did keep sitting in the corner texting on his phone and looking at my brother, but i didn't know why. I also didn't know why my brother's friends and my friends were taking him around the back of the garage and wouldn't let me be there while they were talking to him.

Less than a week after this night and i was on my way home from work, my mother was going to see one of her friends and i wanted to go too, so i arranged that i'd get off the bus in another town and she could meet me there. She met me when i got off the bus, drove the car around the corner and parked in a car parking space. I didn't know why, but got worried when she sat there and said "We need to talk".

She began to tell me that John, on the first night i said about, had tried to kiss my brother on the first night.... they had kissed. Then, on the 2nd night and days leading up to it, he had been texting my brother, telling him his name, which was the same name as another gay person my brother worked with (He'd genuinly got confused). These were not the most polite messages that got exchanged, but it was only on the 2nd night that my brother had realised which John it was that was texting him.

I was in shock. I was 17 and gutted. My first ever boyfriend who had tried telling me not days before that he loved me and wanted to take things futher with me, had actually been trying to start something with my brother behind my back. Not only that, but if he had tried it on with my brother, who else would he have tried it on with?

My mother explained that she had told me everything and that any action i took on this, wether she approved or not, she would stick by me.

After reading enough magazine's story's, i decided that i would end it straight away, because these sorts of things never end well.

We drove around to my mum's friends and she went in and was talking to her, i had gone in too, but i was too numb to actually say anything to anyone. They went off into the kitchen and i for some reason went and got back in the car and called my friend sam. I told her everything i had been told by my mum and she asked "What are you going to do?" I didn't know. I wanted to know if this was true, but my brother was in work so i would have to ask John.

I held my phone in my hands for minutes just looking at it, hearing his voice in my head and thinking of things to say incase he said something.... Kind of role playing how this call could go.

I called.

He answerd and he was with his sisters girlfriend at the time, they seemed to be having a laugh. He asked me how i was and i replied that i was ok, but needed to talk to him. I started to tell him what i had been told by my mother. I told him everything, then asked the simple question "Is it true".

He couldnt answer. My eyes began to fill up and i heard him going into another room. He tried to explain something and i remember just saying again "You know if what i have been told is true or if it isn't, so please, save what you have to say, just tell me, is it true".

He said "Yes".

Euurgh!!!! Instant heart break.

I just said that i couldnt carry on things with him if this had all happend, he of course pleaded with me, but no, i was determined, it would end.

It was of course this time that i hung up and went inside to tell my mum what had happend. I remember getting into the doorway of the kitchen at my mums friends, still feeling numb but with tears down my face.

So that's what had happend.

Moving on from that and im stuck. It seems no matter how much i try telling this story to people, the thoughts in the back of my mind, just wont stop me thinking "He's going to cheat on you". It's cost me a fair few relationships in my past now too, i can't let it carry on, because it just makes me feel worse than i already do. So i've put a block on myself meeting men that i have feelings towards. I've been known to practically block people on social media, because i can't have contact with them... why? Because the voice in my head tells me "Yeah, you'd be happy with ____ but he'd cheat on you" or other random crap like that.

I'm getting better these days, i have contact with men who are good looking, who i could happily fall in love with, just on their looks alone.... but i don't want to get into a relationship with them, because of these thoughts. So what to do?

Have you ever had something like this happen? How did you get over it? If time is a healer for this sort of thing, why almost 6/7 years on am i still unable to be happy and trust a person?

Thursday, 17 May 2012

Pushing for drugs?

Firstly, i gotta be honest here.... My opinion may come as a shock to you, but i do not push drugs onto people, nor tell them to take them if they have never had them before, yet some people will read this post and think that i do.

There's several ways that i could come at this topic, you see the first thing i should point out here is that yes, i believe drugs should be legal.

Here's a few reasons why....

People do already take them.
This is something that some people find hard to digest, they think that if you make drugs legal, then you would have all these millions of people taking them, i hate to break it to you, but drugs are already taken by millions of people, yet because not all of them speak openly about doing so, no one can blame you for thinking that not many people do take drugs.

The sale of drugs, could save the economy.
It's true to be said, that here in the uk, we have reached a double dip recession, ok, not by loads, but its bad news for many. We still have many big name brands that are going under on an almost weekly basis now, where as the first time the recession hit, it was daily for a while. So how can the drugs save the economy?

Well as it stands, the cost of living has risen for many reasons, but mainly because the amount of tax we have to pay on items has gone up. Now if taxed, the sale of drugs, even controlled, could bring in extra money for the government, meaning they could adjust budgets accordingly, and bring down tax on other things.

We really do need to face facts here, that if people will continue to take drugs, the government are missing out on an extra income during a time when they can't afford to do so.

The problem would not get worse than it is now.
People worry too much about this, about how if drugs become legal then more people are going to take them, this isn't true.... All's that would happen is that people would be more vocal about taking them, which should be the way its done anyway. You see many many moon's ago, when they were talking about making drinking alcohol legal, alot of people were against it, because it was a taboo subject, same as taking drugs are these days!

But please dont base your morals on how the government should and shouldn't make its money. The government currently make about £3 in tax per a pack of 20 cigarettes, these can kill people, proven fact. The government make alot of money from the sale of alcohol, again, this can lead to deaths. So if people are going to die from taking drugs anyway, whats the point in not making money off this?

Classification is wrong as it stands.
You see now many people believe that alcohol is illigal because it isn't as harmful as canabis for example, but did you know that it has been proven that alcohol is infact worse than some of your commonly known illigal drugs?

Infact about 2 years ago, a top government advisor was sacked because he produced a chart showing that alchol should actually be a C rated drug - or something like that. Placing alcohol over many illigal drugs.

Moving on.... Because like i say, this list could go on for ages and i really cant be botherd typing it all out, but here's how the sale of drugs could go....

If you could have it sold in a pharmacy, either high street or not, then you encourage business to be growing, because it's an extra income for that store or chain. These people could ensure that people are over the age of 18 or whatever, where as currently, the sale of alcohol isn't, because alot of people who own a license to sell alcohol never check anyone's ID.

It would cut down on this black market which drugs have around them. There wouldn't be as many death's around the sale of drugs because they would be going to these shops where it is proper drugs, none of this "Buy it but don't actually know whats in it" sort of situation.

How would taxing the drugs industry work? Well, this would be down to the government to buy in these drugs, now they could buy in bulk (Alot more than your adv dealer could these days) meaning that they get it at a much lower rate than your adv drug dealer. Even after tax, you know that people wouldn't be paying much more than they are doing at the moment.

There would be no owing money to these shops, nor would they come after you if you did, but you know the main thing to change? People would be more free to talk about what theyre taking, meaning it would be more acceptable within society for them to go and get help etc.

Below, you can comment and i urge you to do so, put down your reason as to why drugs should / shouldnt be made legal. I bet you can't find a reason which i can't justify and with proof.

Thanks for reading.

Tuesday, 15 May 2012

Can blogging be a stress management?

For a long time now, longer than i actually care to remember, i've always been the outspoken one in my family, anything im not happy with, people will know about it.

Like, yes, i have been called the black sheep of the family.... by my family.

Anywho, one of the thoughts that has been in my mind is asking the question "Can blogging be used as a stress management tool?". You see, some people who i know, used to have to buy them squeezy toys and other little gadgets in order for them to be able to deal with their anger and stress, which is fine by me, if that works for you, go for it!

Yet i seem to be turning into a very emotional news reader. I can't read a news story without some sort of emotion coming over me, like one story recently was about 5 kids that unfortunatly died in a house fire, a 6th one later died in hospital. How can a person not feel really sad about it? I didn't know the kids, had never met them, never would, but still my heart went out to them. I get the thoughts going through my head of "What would i have done, if i would have been there. Would i have risked my own life trying to save theirs? Could i have saved their life?" etc.

When i come across a news story which really gets to me, it has been known for me to take to youtube to express my inner feelings, even if the news story is just breaking....

Now this video is me just reading a news story as it is updating on my page, yet i felt so much anger towards these dumb arse voters who decided that they couldnt stand the thought of two men getting married, because clearly allowing that would... i dunno, make the world end tomorrow or something just as pathetic.

You see, even LGBT progress makes me feel emotions because they do have a direct effect on me. Put in the nicest way possable, theres no chance of me getting married this year, but i want it as an option to me. I don't see why i shouldn't be able to. I'm of sound mind, i would have been in a relationship for long enough to know this is what i wanted and be sure in myself, that marriage would help the relationship grow more.

Although, side note here - My nerv's would be shot on the day if i was to get married. I can stand on a stage infront of like 300 people and talk about anything and everything and be fine with it, yet if it's more personal to me, then thats when i have a problem!

Anyway, back to the main point here. All these people who have problems with anger management these days, are they right to take to the internet to let off their anger? I'm not the only youtuber to express my opinion on a topic, infact one of my fave youtubers is in australia called Greg. Greg's ace, when he get's going, he's off. You're best to just sit back and enjoy the video, because he'll get going hell for leather.

Let's face it though, don't you just want him to shout at you? He has the nicest eyes!!!!

Anyway, i thought i would leave this one for you guys to decide, feel free to comment and say if you think that all these profesionals should consider telling people to use blogging as a way to help them control their anger or stress?

Myself and the Leffew family

Hmmm.... Where do i begin on the journey that has gotten me to where i am today, where i can hand on heart declaire my undying support for this family and where i can also honestly say after ALOT of contact, these people are just.... argh i love em!

See, my "Journey" started about a year or two ago. I was sat on my bed one morning and i think some people had posted on facebook about gay people being able to adopt legally and such, yet, i'd never actually seen a gay family for myself, i didn't know who made up these gay family's or what they were like. Unusually, i decided not to google this topic, but to go to youtube, i mean, someone must have posted about gay family's and any issues they were facing.

Well, dearest reader, people had. Infact, this was a bigger topic than i first imagined, because i also started learning about some of the issues which gay family's were facing and within moments, my heart was broken.

I want you to take a look at this.

See what i mean?

Granted, this wasnt the first video of theirs that i came across, but it didn't take me long to see this video. If anything, it served (for me) as much of an introduction to the family as it did shock me, because like i say, i had no idea that these issues existed for gay family's.

Within a couple of days, id watched a couple more of their video's and left a comment on one of the video's, i can't even remember what it said, but i think a day or two later i had an email off youtube telling me that someone had posted on my wall on youtube (Wait, i had a wall? My god, i didn't even know that!) Any how, Jay had commented to say that he was trying to reply to my comment and had deleted it by accident. I wrote back and made some sort of joke about it, but that kind of let me see a side which i hadn't seen in their video's, that these men were down to earth people. I mean, let's face some simple facts here, if you look at the view counts for some of their video's and how many people commented on their video's, these guys are sort of popular, yet they still had time to say sorry about deleting a post of mine by accident? Wow, i mean, i've had many comments removed by other youtubers, be it by accident or on purpose, and never heard anything about it, so yeah, i was kind of impressed.

I had already subscribed by this point, so of course i would get their new videos into my newsfeed thingie on youtube. One day they had posted a new video, ask a gay family. I watched it and was kind of impressed that they answerd questions which some people may have thought were too personal for them etc, but if appropriate, they would answer, pretty much anything. It took me some time, but i managed to watch all the ask a gay family video's and i felt like i knew them a little bit better, to the point that if i saw them walking down the street, i could say hello to them and not be worried that they would blank me or be rude etc.

Fast forward a few months and a gay issue came up in the uk, the gay blood ban (Insert dramatic music here). Now, I would have thought that this law would have been changed from a lifetime ban, to nothing, if you were gay, lesbian, straight... anyone, you could donate blood. Oh god no, how i was wrong.... see my video below...

I had really had enough of the LGBT community as a whole having to fight for every single right esp when you find out the reasoning behind it all.

Little side note here - Being gay was made illigal in the uk back when queen victoria was in power, she made being GAY illigal, but not being a lesbian. Why? Because she didn't believe that lesbians existed.

Anyway, when the news hit and i made this video, i uploaded it and spread it around etc, but i still felt abit hurt about this, so i wrote a massive (longer than the bible) email to Jay / Bryan to kind of vent my anger. I of course didn't expect a reply, i mean, these guys must get tonnes of emails, plus all the activity on their youtube, yeah, i wouldn't get a reply. But i was wrong!

The next day i had an email back from Bryan, saying that it's not unual for governments to change laws to make it look like they had brought up LGBT issues, where infact, the new laws were just as bad as the old ones, which was certainly true in this case.

Over the next couple of month's, i kind of hit a brick wall, i was depressed, i needed change in my life, but i didn't know what change. The Leffew family along with other youtubers kept me entertained over that time, i think more Jay / Bryan, because they will have felt just as bad as me at some points, yet here they were painting on a nice face, to tell us all what was happening and to keep us in the mindset that if you want change to happen, you gotta make your voice heard.

Time moved on and so did my attitude, i was getting back to being myself when i first started seeing video's about "The Right To Love : An American Family". Wondering why Jay and Bryan would be posting about such a thing, i watched the trailer video, only to find out that theyre kind of the reason behind this movie.

For a few weeks after, i kept it in the back of my mind and showed the video to a couple of people, who used it as a base to start a conversation about LGBT rights and such. Even my Nana (Grandparent to those who don't know what a nana is lol) went off on one saying about how it was wrong to treat people this way, in this day and age too. It really made me want to watch the film now though, to see what else there was to the "Depfox story".

I remember i commented on the video, asking if this was coming out into the cinema or on dvd and how i could get a copy if it was. Jay got back to me (He didn't delete my comment this time lol) and explained how the film would be touring around film festivals first, but the future of the movie was still undecided yet. Abit dissapointed with the news, because the thought came into my mind of "Aww, im not gonna get to see this now because it'll just be going around america, after all, look at the title, it's an american family, why would they bring it over here".

Still wanting to see it, about a month later i emailed Jay / Bryan about it, to see if there was any plans for it coming over here, because i really REALLY wanted to see the film. I recieved a reply off jay, who said that basically, no plans were in place at the moment, because they were working on their own launch of the film, but that i could contact film festivals about it and see if they would screen it and if they would, to pass on his email address and he would do what he could to get the film shown.

Great stuff! I set to work over the next week looking into film festivals that were likely to show the movie, i mean lets face it, a gothic film festival isn't very likely to show a film about a gay family are they? That's when the lightbulb in my head got turned on because an idea had come in. Set up a facebook page! I mean, i couldn't be the only one who wanted to see this film in the uk right? Turns out, i was right! The page got about 9 likes in it's first day... wow popular!

So i set it up to work like a community, in the hope that people would post details of film festivals and i could email them or someone else could and as a team effort, we could get the film on. Turns out no, i was posting all this stuff and nobody was really paying attention, to make matters worse, all the film fest's were getting back to me with "No" answers, if at all.

What to do? I mean, i'd been working as an entertainer for however many years, i'd organised lots of events before, soooo.... why couldnt i put this film on myself. I pitched the idea to Jay / Bryan over email and said that with their help, i could arrange the hire of a venue etc and it would work out great. Jay got back to me a couple of days later, happy that i was showing determination to see this film, but with some sort of bad news, that they, nor the producers had the money to be putting on events in other countries, although if i could make it happen, like getting funding secured, then they would help me as much as they could.

So, i set to work trying to find a sponsor. I tried Manchester gay pride. It's a festival which takes place for 1 week each year in august, and is one of the most popular and largest ones in the whole of europe. They got back to me within a few hours and said they would do what they could to get the film shown, inc applying for funding.

They suggested about hiring a cinema venue in Manchester, now while i won't name names because it wasn't good of them, i shall mention that theyre a cinema hire company and their building used to be a house.... on a corner.... *ahem*.

Anyway, they got back to me and said about how the film needed it's BBFC rating or something, so i'd need to contact the BBFC and get the film rated, then i could hire the cinema at X amount of pounds per hour etc. So about a week later, i was able to do the final costings, which came to just over £3,000. The voice in my head just went "Yeah, that's never going to happen, try something else". So i set again, looking for another venue.

It was about this time that Jay sent me a copy of the press pack that goes with the film, to send on to people who might be able to give the event funds to make it happen, i was sending it off left right and centre, but nope, not one finding group or charity got back to me with a "yes". Gutted! However, i kept my chin up and luckily i did because i came across the Zion arts centre (Which has now re-branded to Z-arts). They were kind of exited themselves to get the film shown as a part of Manchester pride. I explained Jay's earlier info that there was no money available for upfront costs and that the film couldn't be used to raise money for personal gain, if any money was to be left over, it had to go to a cause related to the film, like a marriage equality charity or LGBT rights etc.

A few months down the line and TONNES of facebook messages later, Manchester pride got back to me, good news, they were going to underwrite the costs of putting the movie on, not only that, but the theatre had kept the date i wanted free for me. I facebooked Jay / Bryan with the news, they were made up! .... So was i!!!!

You see, during my month's while i was feeling down and just not myself, these two had kept me going and now was time to pay them back so to speak. By grabbing their message via the film and running with it, showing the film to as many new people as possable.

Since that is the only way i can really help them out anyway, After watching their video's, i soon learned that Bryan didn't like people sending money, nor did he like to sell "depfox" or "gay family values" as a brand. Which is fair enough, because it would certainly attract some negative publicity off people who they need to support them.

Anyway, here's where i stand today.

Here's the advert for the film....

And here are the links to the UK showing of The right to love : An american family.

As brought to you by me.

Let me leave you with this thought though.

See, Jay / Bryan and the rest of the family, never predicted to be where they are today, featuring in a movie, rather popular on youtube and with friends and contacts world over who like and love them as much as me. So isn't it nice that i can turn around after the screenings and be able to say "You know what, their video's and attitude saw me through some pretty awful times in my life, so as a way to thank them, i've helped them bring their film to another side of the world".

Thanks for reading people, may i suggest as this was a long post that you now un-stick your hand from your face and go away from your computer for a break or something, pretty sure it's health and safety these days that youre not meant to read something this long without taking a break.

About me.


Normally i hate these sort's of "About me" sections. Certainly the one on my facebook was bad enough to fill in. Fact is, i'm a gemini, a typical gemini at that. I always find new things about myself, sometimes shocking.

But i guess there's a few basics that you should all know. Firstly, i can't spell for anything. Granted, i think this is more down to me being lazy in school and ever since, but i get by. Erm.... what else?

Well, here's a fact file for me....

Name : Bev
Is that your real name? No. It's a stage name, but i much prefer it to my normal name.
Why have a written blog, when you have a video blog on youtube? Simply put, while i love to make video's and really, i do, it's expensive, all the batteries, time spent editing it etc... sometimes it's just more easy to type things down than it is to have to go through all the trouble of making a video.
Your Idol : Honestly? As much as you might be expecting me to say Pink, Kylie or Cher etc, i gotta be honest here for a moment. See, on Youtube, there's a family that use the channel "Depfox". They're a gay family who live in Sanfrancisco, who when the rules of prop 8 changed, took to youtube with a simple mission. To show that gay family's have the same values and morals as any other family, so why should they be treated different? It's a very good point, but i'll explain more about how im involved with them in another post. Basically, Jay and Bryan are two o the nicest men you could ever want contact with. If they can, they will make time for you, for you to talk to them, be it asking questions about them, or simply talking through your own problems. In their family itself, they have three children, you have Daniel, who even after watching only a few of their video's, you can see is going to be a modern day gentleman when he is older. Then there's Selina, who's just adorable, i mean really, she's a princess, the sort of girl who makes you want to go out and get your nails and hair done with her, because she's just fab! Then the newest edition, who is Nikko (Im still not sure how it's spelt if im honest!!), now although he does not feature in any video's yet (He's like what, 3 years old or something) plenty of us have gotten to see pictures of him and hear his background story, which is heart breaking, but warming at the same time, when you see how things have turned out for him. He's a really cute child and im sure he'll do well (Since im 100% sure he's being very well treated). So in short, if i could turn out anything like Jay or Bryan, then i'd be more than happy with myself, which is why theyre my idols.

Anything else you want to know? Hmmm.... Well, have a look through the postings and see what i'm like!